So let me get this straight...

Harriet Harman is in the schtook because she accepted a loan from what Hilary Benn thought was a dodgy source. Of course Gordon Brown knows nothing about this because Jack Straw told us so... though that may have something to do with the fact that his department has just launched an inquiry after claims that hundreds of defendants escaped justice in Leeds. Oh and Peter Hain took money as well by the way – did he forget to mention this earlier? No need for Alastair Darling to deflect attention, Jon Mendelsohn is doing that for him. Though of course, Darling has lots to business that needs people looking the other way from – the Northern Rock crisis is far from over and costing us potentially £29bn and counting. And despite him being sure those discs containing personal data of 25 million people are on HMRC property, no one can seem to find them – funny that. At least all this has saved Des Browne from the sack – he has been relatively efficient recently. His department have only been slammed for wasting millions of pounds worth of tax payers money from the sale of Quintiq while troops in Afghanistan and Iraq die because of a lack of basic equipment. Then again, he’s probably not as relieved as Jacqui Smith whose department security cleared thousands of illegal immigrants and then she chose not to tell anyone about it for months and months. David “wouldn't it be great to have that Blair back” Miliband must be loving it all – it can’t be doing too much harm to his leadership ambitions and besides, he hates his job at the foreign office – he even takes leave when Royal visitors come over to talk business. Meanwhile Ruth Kelly has been using public money to fund her own party letter headed paper – though it is only stationery... £10ks worth. And all the while they are all trying to dump their problems on Brown. At least Gordon has a friend in Ed Balls. Yes Ed Balls – the one who decided that he would push Brown in to the whole election that never was fiasco in the first place. Maybe all this is a plot to take our minds of the referendum for the Europe Treaty that Brown promised but never gave us? And it all started off so well when all we had to worry about was terrorism and sick animals...